The Movie Thread

[mapache61]

Tired of visiting this board and hearing crickets chirping. Everyone loves movies. Let me be the first to review a few flicks I've seen recently. In return, I ask you to recommend a new movie.

Mrs. Mapache and I got some movie theater gift cards for Christmas, and she's driving me nuts, wanting to know when I'll take her to see Les Miserables. She MUST be out of her mind. Or myabe not?

Mapache's recent home screenings:

Total Recall (2012).
A remake of the Schwarzanegger sci-fi/action flick from the early 90s. Both the original movie and this retread (starring the annoying, bushy-browed Colin Farrell) are based on a short story ("We Can Remember it for You, Wholesale") by the master of mind-bending sci-fi, Philip K. Dick. I haven't read this particular story, but have read a few of his excellent novels, and think it's safe to declare Total Recall utter sh*t. Too bad. Because early-on, set design and special effects are outstanding -- very cyberpunk, Blade Runner-esque. But very soon you're tortured with ridiculous, CGI hover-car chases, hyperactive editing (which renders the action senseless), endless fights, unbelievable escapes, and a villain (Farrell's wife, Kate Beckinsdale) who you may as well call "The Terminator." In other words, crap.

The Lives of Others (2006).
This German film is one of the finest, nuanced reels of the 2000s. Beats most Hollywood junk by a mile. Set in East Germany in 1984, you follow a playwright and the Stasi agent assigned to spy on him. Engaging, well written, and at times extremely tense, THIS is a flick that makes all the 2000s' Weinstien Company crap, and heavy-handed Eastwood pictures, and Hobbit movies look stupid. Put it in your Netflix queue.

My choices at the local theater:
The Hobbit 3-D: I'm a big Tolkein fan, but this looks ponderous.
Django Unchained: Though I LOVE the original "Django" spaghetti western, and Quentin is a serious movie buff that always entertains, he's also a rip-off artist who's beginning to wear on me. His best movie is "Jackie Brown," and I doubt one single Tarantino-lover would agree.
Les Miserables: I'd rather set myself on fire than see this. Please tell me that's a wise choice.

[Bud]

Thanks for starting this, mapache61!

Lincoln: Although I thought very highly of this movie and would rate it 7 on a scale of 10, I wanted to like it more than I did. Daniel Day-Lewis was amazing as Lincoln. I had a little more difficulty with Sally Field as Mary Todd Lincoln, but I'm not sure why. The physical resemblence of the actors to their characters was impressive. Loved the attention to detail, too. In my opinion it was notch short of all-time classic, but I'd go see it again. Highly recommended.

[mapache61]

Thanks, Bud. While I can't stand Speilberg and his mostly predictable, calculated pap, I'm sure Lincoln is ok. Daniel Day Lewis is always good. And I love Sally Field, though she has starred in some utter garbage. So I can see where you're coming from.

Lincoln will win the Best Picture Oscar -- bet on it. Obviously I haven't seen the movie, but Hollywood is ENAMORED with Speilberg. And frankly, I'm baffled. Though competent, this cat is no Hitchcock, or Billy Wilder, or Kurosawa, or Sam Peckinpah, or early Scorsese, or (fill in the blank).

Bud,
Barry Bonds. ENTIRE carrer. HOF. Yes, or no?
I'll keep asking until you answer.

[mapache61]

Over the weekend I saw "Frankenweenie" on dvd. This is Tim Burton's latest stop-motion animation flick. Anything branded Disney usually gives me pause, but, for better or worse they tend to let Burton do his thing, and I was pleasantly surprised -- especially after the dreadful "Alice In Wonderland" with Depp.

Very cool movie. Sweet story. And for old farts like me, a great homage to the old Universal horror movies. The stop-motion is outstanding; my only complaint is sometimes it looks too slick, Pixar CGI-like. It almost defeats the purpose.

Verdict: Not as good as Nightmare Before Chirstmas, but far better than Corpse Bride.

Bud,
Barry Bonds. ENTIRE carrer. HOF. Yes, or no?

[mapache61]

On a recent airplane flight I saw "Chasing Mavericks," a flick about a young surfer and his mentor (Gerard Butler) tackling the legendary Mavericks surf break in Northern California. I dig a good surf movie: Endless Summer (and its sequel), Big Wednesday, Riding Giants, Step Into Liquid, etc. But this Mavericks movie was TERRIBLE. And I really wanted to like it.

[Bud]

Oscar night is here!!!

Not alone in thinking Lincoln will have a big night. But Argo might surprise.

I have high expectations for Seth McFarlane as host! He's talented in a lot of areas.

[mapache61]

Apart from Daniel Day Lewis (a great actor), Lincoln bombed at the Oscars. Though I picked Lincoln/Spielberg as best Picture/Director in my Oscar pool, I'm glad. About time King of Hollywood Spielberg was knocked off his throne. Come on. Admit it. For the most part, this guy makes calculated, sentimental garbage. This cat isn't even as deep as Frank Capra...and except for the great "It Happened One Night," I f-ing hate Capra!

Recent Netflix rentals:

"Seven Psycopaths" -- Not good. Not bad. Trying a bit too hard to be hyper-violent-hip, ala Tarantino. This director's first movie, "In Bruges," I very much enjoyed.

"If A Tree Falls: A Story of The Earth Liberation Front." An outstanding 2011 documentary, whether you're a smelly, unemployed tree-hugger or a Sarah "drill, baby, drill" Palin clown. Nicely balanced doc. It's only fault is that the focus is placed on an enviro-moron named Daniel McGowan. You want to root for him, but in the end you're thinking "This dipsh*t is the best we got?" Jesus, I had to go read one of my Edward Abbey books to make myself feel better.

On Turner Classic Movies:

"The Caine Mutiny." Terrific! And I'd never seen it. Bogart, Van Johnson, Fred MacMurray, EG Marshall. They don't make em like this anymore. A MUST for all Navy sailors who've thought their commanding officer was nuts.

[mapache61]

Ok, apart from Bud, looks like this is a one-man show. But the thread-view-count looks decent, which I view as a green light to further torture and offend you...

If Crazy Old Coot Clint Eastwood's bizarre/hilarious Invisible Obama schtick at the 2012 RNC made you think "This old bastard is deranged," just wait unitl you see the cinematic dung heap called "Trouble With The Curve" (2012) . Clint didn't direct the picture, but his sanity and taste must be questioned. I've dubbed it "Trouble With The Script," and there's NO WAY I can be the first to make this lame joke.

This isn't a true baseball movie. It's a father-daughter story (like Eastwood's outstanding "Million Dollar Baby"), but it's SO bad, I checked to make sure my girlfriend didn't accidently leave the receiver tuned to Lifetime Channel. Justin Timberlake couldn't act his way out of a paper bag, and even if he could this cheesy, cliched dialogue would make him look like a moron. Amy Adams (I like her very much) is trying hard, but there's not a whole lot she can do, given the words on the page. Clint's performance is a series of pained grunts, gripes and insults, a la "Grand Torino." As mediocre as it was, at least that flick had a bit of heart. This is pure dreck. You've been warned.

[mapache61]

Quickie reviews:

Argo (2012): Very good. Best Picture of the year? Haven't seen the other nominees, so I couldn't tell ya. But Argo is definitely worth your time. Story (based on true events), script (a few cheesy lines, but so what), direction, acting (even by Affleck) are all top rate.

Skyfall (2012): A bit overlong, but still much better than the last 007 flick, the often-ridiculous Quantum of Solace. Of the three brooding Bond (Daniel Craig) movies, Casino Royale is still tops.

The Master (2012): This is loosely based on the early days of Scientology and its founder, L. Ron Hubbard. I thought it'd be interesting. Wrong. Philip Seymour Hoffman is excellent as the Hubbard-inspired figure, and Joaquin Phoenix is suitably bizarre/creepy as his follower, but this movie went nowhere...fast. A shame, really. Done right, it could've been fascinating. Instead you've got one big bore.

[mapache61]

Bud,
Barry Bonds. Entire career. HOF? Yes or no?

[Bud]

[Bud]

Anyone see Life of Pi? It was the last movie I saw. I'd rate it 7 out of 10. But if you're prone to seasickness, I wouldn't recommend it. No kidding. Especially in 3D!

The next movie I'll probably go see is On the Road, about Jack Kerouac.

[mapache61]

Bud, fyi, I believe On The Road is being released on dvd soon.

[Bud]

Thanks, I thought On the Road was just hitting the theaters around here. Looks like it didn't do all that great on Rotten Tomatoes anyway. Plus, my wife isn't really interested because she doesn't like one of the actresses. Not sure exactly which one.

[mapache61]

I found the LATimes blurb I read last week. On The Road is now available on VOD (video on demand), not dvd.

Yeah, the reviews I read a while back weren't too glowing. But I'll still see it. I love the book -- a classic.

Does your wife dislike Kristen Stewart? I know she's in it.

[mapache61]

I'm a cinematic idiot. How is it that over the decades I've watched countless movies--from materpieces to pure trash--and have never seen Kubrick's "Paths of Glory"? Great film. Fantastic photography. I'm going to watch it again tomorrow morning before I mail it back to Netflix hell.

Do yourself a favor. Skip the latest Jennifer Aniston POS on HBO and watch this.

[mapache61]

Zero Dark Thirty.

The credits just rolled, and I don't know what to think. Usually, this is either the sign of a total piece of sh*t...or a masterpiece. The first hour of this tedium definitely falls in the garbage category. If this flick wasn't about the hunt for bin Laden (fascinating, obviously), it'd fail completely. This is NOT good filmmaking. The hackneyed script is utter crap, the acting is obvious, and if it were about the hunt for Joe Blow Serial Killer on sh*tty NCIS, I'd have flung the disc into the trash pail.

But then, in the second half, it begins to grab a weird hold on you. And when we get to the bin Laden compound raid, the movie could go over the top with a Rambo bullets-n-blood fest, but thankfully it doesn't. It's just matter of fact, sobering. Well done. This Kathryn Bigelow (director) is as un-talented as her ex-husband, James Cameron, but I think she gets it right here in the second half of Zero Dark Thirty. Her other war picture (Hurt Locker) was junk from start to finish.

Super Liberal Bud wants to know what I think of the Gitmo torture scenes. Ok. I didn't think they were that bad, really. We all know Bud's elected government officials (including his beloved Obama) turn a blind eye to Jihadists getting the living sh*t kicked out of them down in Cuba, but come on, this was mild. If you really saw what happened at Gitmo on a daily basis, we'd be entering snuff flim territory.

Bin Laden? Sure, we "got him." Great. The man was scum. But you gotta look at the bigger picture.

[mapache61]

Wow. Haven't checked this thread in nearly a month. Can't thank y'all enough for the awesome comments and movie reviews! This Krall board is great! What an active DK community we have here!

"Facing Ali" (2009). I love boxing. And when it's good, no other sport can top it. Baseball? A f*cking bore. Football? A Goddamned snore. You can argue, but in my book nothing beats two adrenaline-crazed heavyweights beating each other to within an inch of their lives. Call me savage, but it don't get more exciting than that. This film is a thoughtful, outstanding documentary (based on the excellent book "Facing Ali"), which interviews 10 fighters--from Frazier and Foreman to Larry Holmes and a subtitles-required Leon Spinks--on their legendary fights with "The Greatest," Muhammad Ali. Just don't call him Clay, you Uncle Tom.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012). WAY too long and convoluted. The Christopher Nolan (director) nonsense reaches its peak in this installment. The a-hole known as Christian Bale sucks, as always. I'm strangely attracted to Anne Hathaway (Catwoman), but her acting is awful as well (maybe it's the script?). A few fun scenes, but overall garbage. 'Tis a shame. The first Nolan-Batman flick (Batman Begins) was decent.

[Bud]

I saw 42 this weekend. I was actually able to put aside my opinion of the Dodgers for awhile. It was very well done, about an 8 out of 10 in my book.

I'm sure the stuff Jackie Robinson had to endure was far worse than what the movie showed, which was pretty bad. I'm surprised you haven't mentioned it, mapache!

[mapache61]

Bud saw "42"?!?! Unbelievable! I wouldn't be caught dead buying a ticket for "25: The Barry Bonds Story." Hey, Barry was persecuted too, don't ya know. Just ask Bud.

I haven't seen this new movie, but I've read the books, heard the stories (thank you, Vin Scully) and watched The Jackie Robinson Story, starring Jackie himself. The man braved a lot of ugly, racist sh*t. And even if this flick is a letdown (I suspect it is; Bud's a sucker for sentimental Hollywood junk), I will still secretly enjoy it.